Module 3: View of self as a parent
Many parents come to the PUP program believing that they are failed or hopeless parents. A parent’s view of themselves as a poor parent will lower their sense of efficacy in the parenting role.Parents involved in welfare agencies and parents who have used illicit substances during pregnancy or later, can feel incompetent and guilty about their perceived failure as a parent. In practice, many parents involved with welfare and mental health agencies have areas of strength as well as difficulties.
Module 2 of the parents Under Pressure program challenges a pervasive negative view of self by helping the parent find their own evidence of their parental competency.
This module draws from standard cognitive therapy principles in which an underlying belief about self (schema) as a parent is identified. Cognitive therapy has been successful in demonstrating that an individual’s schemas about self are an important determinant of mood and behaviour. The essence of cognitive therapy is to help clients acknowledge that they not only adhere to negative schemas, they fail to entertain that an alternative, positive schemas could be true. The schema of importance in the PUP program is “I am a bad, ineffective parent”. The alternative, positive schema is “I am a good parent”.
The aim of this module (and this is returned to over the course of the program) is to build up the positive schema. The therapeutic strategy of cognitive therapy is to encourage clients to seek evidence to support the positive schema. In the PUP program this includes (but not limited to) showing video-taped evidence of positive parent-child interactions filmed during the assessment, noticing and pointing out when the parent describes positive parenting practices, and monitoring progress towards their goals to show that the parent can make changes in areas where they are experiencing problems.
It is important that the positive schema (“I am a good parent”) is explicitly defined and realistic. The concept of the good enough parent is useful here. Specifically, a good-enough parent is one that helps their child develop to their potential (physically, socially, emotionally, behaviourally, and cognitively).
Research has shown that physically abusive and neglectful parents can have unrealistic expectations of their child - they may expect grater maturity than the child is capable of in all these areas. An important component of this module is to elicit the parent’s schemas in relation to their child. Expectations that are too high will be associated with a negative schema of the child. An important aim, then, is to normalise the parent’s expectations and encourage the parents to acknowledge the positive aspects of the child. It is common that the positive qualities of the child are unacknowledged or actively negated.
Parents who have suffered adversity during childhood (abuse and neglect) are at increased risk of perpetuating poor parenting. There is increasing evidence that appraising their own upbringing and looking for alternative parenting strategies is an important ingredient in halting the intergenerational transmission of abuse. This module encourages parents to consider the impact of childhood adversity on their current parenting and to consider alternative strategies. Another reaction to the experience of abuse is for a parent to use their own experience as a template for how they don’t want to bring up their children. These parents know they don’t want their children to experience the childhood they experienced, but may not know any alternative. These parents may believe they are doing it wrong, but not be able to articulate what an “ideal” parent is.
